so...i love God by the way...
yeah. it's true. i want to do what He wants me to. i pray to know what that is. i feel like i get the same answer most of the time. also, really want to do it too.
i also feel though, and everyone who knows me can back me up here, that i'm really distractable.
i'm kinda like a kid in that way. i'm easily amused. that's good if you're just trying to not be bored. especially at work. today at work i actually practiced my chord choices for each base note in a scale...you know...for harmonic dictation...and also flicked coins into a cup... this kind of thing is really helpful for getting through the 5 hour days there.
it's not so good however for doing specific things you need to do.
i think it's because i started leaving my planner at home when i went to work. i WAS taking it to work everyday just to plan a list for that day and other days of the week. i stopped because we were moving and there was nothing to plan. i was just to unpack. nothing that needed to be written down.
anyway...this "distractability" and not bringing my planner makes me forget things. even the important things. and because i forget, i feel like i am the worst follower ever. i feel like i give a luke warm effort...and that doesn't feel to good. i feel like: "He's only been asking me to do one thing (mostly...you know other than keep the commandments and all...) for a while...and i still haven't done it.
i'm going to try really hard to remember tomorrow to do it.
in fact...can you hold on a minute? of course you can. thanks.
i just had to go get my planner and put it int the middle of the floor to remember to take it with me in the morning. that'll help for sure.
i just feel like a let down to Heavenly Father. i know he doesn't think i'm not good enough. that's not how he works. he wants for us only to realize of how much worth we are...and then act like it.
i also feel like there's more He wants me to do...but why would he give me more if i can't do what i got?
this thinking came to me tonight because i was wondering tonight why i feel like He's not giving me more direct instruction. it could be because he thinks i'm doing good and trusts my judgment and is letting me just do it...or it could be because i'm already not doing the stuff He already told me what to do. there's a way to find out...and i think i'm gunna try it.
i feel like i'm just rambling now... and i probably am... sorry.
i'm just going to try to do better.
i think you're wonderful, obviously.
ReplyDeletebut i also think that you are doing what you're supposed to be doing. but i also think that if you're worried, you're doing exactly what you should be doing.
sometimes the best thing to do is to ask what He wants and then try to listen really hard. and then, of course, when we think we've heard something, to do it.
He will tell you and you will do it. i know it.
i love you.